The BDSM Test

The BDSM Test

THE BDSM TEST

Get ready to discover exactly what type of kinky deviant you are! 
The BDSM test has become a staple in the BDSM community and is a great way to discover your BDSM archetypes. It’s a wonderful starting point for beginners but also something that experienced people may want to return to every so often. I’ve taken the test a few times over the years and am always amazed at how much my tastes have changed.

bdsm test questions

Credit: Screenshot: bdsmtest.org

Established as a free resource in 2014, you can take your own BDSM test at bdsmtest.org. You have the option to continue as anonymous or create an account with your name and email. You also have the option to take a short or long version of the test. I suggest taking the long version for maximum accuracy. You may be surprised by what you’re into!

At this point, you’ll have the option to show all the questions or skip those aimed toward submissives or Dominants. If this is your first time taking the test, I suggest answering all the questions. This will give you the most reliable results. However, if you know you lean strongly one way or the other, save time by selecting which questions you want to answer.

Once you get started, you’ll be offered statements that you will need to rate from absolutely disagree to absolutely agree with neutral options in between. Do your best at determining how you feel about each statement but don’t overthink it. Be as honest as you can even if it feels taboo or weird. These results are just for you (unless you choose to share them) so why not get as accurate a result as possible?

At the end, you will be given a breakdown of where you rate on all the BDSM archetypes. Keep in mind this test is just for fun so don’t get too hung up on the results, especially if they’re out of alignment with how you feel about yourself. It’s simply a test created to gain more insight into your BDSM preferences. If you feel the test was truly off, consider taking it again at a different time. Your mood, level of tiredness or anything could have tainted the results.

Towards the end of the test you have the option to indicate which archetypes you identify with on a scale of no idea, absolutely disagree to absolutely agree. If this is your first time taking the rest, you may want to take a moment to rate these archetypes. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, skip it. The test will still be an accurate rating based on your answers.

Once you land on the test results page, you will see how you rate for all the various BDSM archetypes. Higher percentages (highlighted green) show which archetypes you most align with and lower percentages (highlighted red) show which archetypes you don’t align with. The middle percentages (highlighted shades of yellow and orange) show which archetypes you feel neutral about.

Click on each archetype to learn exactly what it means. This is a wonderful way to get familiar with the different archetypes, even those you scored low on. The interesting thing about BDSM dynamics is that if you’re a slave, your counterpart will be the Master, something you probably scored low on. It’s worth learning about the counterparts to the archetypes you scored high on because these will most likely be your most compatible sexual partners.

If you’re in a relationship and/or have play partners, you may want to share your results with them. It’s a great way to open up a conversation about what you truly want in your sex life. The test results page gives you the option of copying your test scores so you can share them with others.

Here’s a look at my most recent results:

BDSM test results

Credit: Screenshot : bdsmtest.org

It’s interesting because the last time I took this test, about a year ago, I had slightly different results. I didn’t shift all that much but some archetypes shifted a little up or down. It makes sense that the more you explore different BDSM dynamics, the more you may open yourself up to different possibilities. I’m continuously learning new things and I love this type of exploration.

If you feel open to it, I’d love to see your results in the comments below. You can copy a text version from your test results page. You can also copy the web page to reference later. I find it useful to keep copies of my tests with the dates so I can see my evolution.

How accurate did you find this test? What surprised you? What did you already know? Do you plan on taking it again? Do you plan on sharing it with anyone?

I hope you found this useful. My goal is to spread sexual and BDSM positivity. Everyone should be free to explore their true nature as long as they’re not hurting anyone else (without their consent!).

 

 

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BDSM Contract Essentials

BDSM Contract Essentials

BDSM CONTRACT ESSENTIALS

Although BDSM contracts are never legally binding and aren’t necessary to have a fulfilling dynamic, there is something powerful about putting your relationship dynamics down in writing. It’s a powerful tool that helps everyone involved get clear on what’s expected of them, what’s acceptable and not acceptable, and where the limits lie. It also helps the dynamic run smoother when everyone involved is on the same page.

To help you get started on creating your own BDSM contract, here are some of the essentials you’ll want to include. If you’d like additional help, check out my BDSM Ownership Certificate and Contract along with the Domestic Discipline Certificate and Contract.

NOTE: I am not a lawyer or legal professional. Since BDSM contracts are not legally binding, make your own judgment on what will work best for you. I will be using pronouns in alignment with my own dynamic for this article. Use your own pronouns when creating your BDSM contract. 

BDSM contract essentialsNAMES, TITLES AND ROLES
Start your BDSM contract by establishing who is involved by using their given names along with the name or title they will use under the contract. For example, the Dominant may want to be called Master while under the contract and wants to refer to his submissive as slut. You will want to also establish each participants role at this time, i.e. who will be Top and who will be bottom.

LENGTH OF TIME
Include how long the terms of the contract will last. Some people write contracts to include playtime only while others indicate that the terms of the contract will be enforced 24/7 or on the weekends only. Figure out what works best for you.

It’s also important to include an expiration for the contract. If you’re just starting out, start with a smaller time frame, such as a week or a month, to ease yourself into the new dynamic. You can always renew the contract once the week/month is over. If you’re more experienced, you may opt for a longer duration such as six months, a year or even a lifetime.

EXIT CLAUSE
Include how to dissolve the contract if one or more parties would like to cancel it. Getting clear about how to exit the contract at the beginning will help make things smoother if things need to shift later on. It’s also a good idea to include how the contract may be renegotiated down the line or if the current contract needs to be canceled and a new one written. Since a BDSM contract is not legally binding, anyone can leave the contract at any time without legal ramifications but in order to ensure harmony in the relationship, include an exit clause.

RULES, RIGHTS AND DUTIES
Write out each participants’ rules, rights and duties in clear, concise language. The participants may want to write this out for themselves, for the others or work on it together. This is the nuts and bolts of the contract, where you decide what rules you want to establish for each participant, what types of rights each person has and what are their duties.

For example, a submissive may write “I promise to serve Him in whatever manner He deems fit and to follow His direct commands.” A Dominant may write “I promise to keep her best interest at heart, especially when making decisions.”

ALLOWABLE PUNISHMENTS
Include a list of allowable punishments along with their severity and limits. Rank the punishments from minor indiscretions to major issues to help ensure that the punishment fits the crime.

LIMITS
Include a designated section that outlines the limits of each participant. Include hard limits (those that are not acceptable under any circumstances) as well as soft limits (those that may be used in special circumstances). Be clear about which ones are which.

SAFE WORDS
Be clear about what your safe words and gestures are and what they represent. Include gestures for times when the participants can’t speak (i.e. when gagged). For example, the word yellow will be used when you want to pause the action and require a check in to see what modifications can be made.

The common safe words are GREEN to indicate that everything’s fine and to keep going, YELLOW to slow down or pause the action (be clear in your contract what it exactly means to you), and RED to stop the action completely.

SIGNATURES
Complete the BDSM contract with each participants’ signatures. This helps to seal the contract and ensure that each participant is serious about it. You may want to use wordage such as “I have read and fully understand this agreement and accept the terms as they’re written.”

 

OPTIONAL ADDITIONS
I’ve given you the basic essentials above but you can make your BDSM contract as simple or as complex as you want. Here are some additional things that you may want to include.

RULES AND PROTOCOLS
Even though you may have included rules earlier in the contract, you may want to include additional rules and protocols in a separate section. Some people get very precise on how they want each participant to act within the dynamic and have established clear protocols for them to follow, such as waiting at a precise time fully nude with the Top’s favorite drink.

GOALS
Some participants like to include goals for the length of the contract. This is especially true for the bottom types who like to work on self improvements during the contract and want to be punished accordingly if they don’t follow through. This is a wonderful way to establish accountability towards important goals, such as cutting out junk food or sleeping eight hours a night.

SHARING/OTHERS
If your dynamic will include participants outside the contract, you will want to outline that in its own section. Be clear about what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable along with any rules you want to have when interacting with others. For example, even if you’re in a monogamous relationship, if you were at a kink party, would it be OK for others to touch you and, if so, in what ways? Get clear about your limits to sharing and interacting with others.

SCHEDULES
Depending on the strictness of the dynamic, some participants like to include a schedule, typically for the bottom. This could outline a daily schedule, a weekly schedule or even a monthly schedule. Some participants like to also include a training schedule for the bottom, indicating tasks and milestones they want the bottom to complete within a certain timeframe.

COMMANDS
Some Tops want their bottoms to respond to certain commands. Include a commands section outlining each command and how the bottom is expected to react to it.

 

SAMPLE CONTRACT
Here’s an example of a very basic BDSM contract. It’s written for a Master/slave dynamic but you can modify for your own needs.

 

This contract certifies that ________________________ (the slave), being of free mind, submits itself fully to __________________________ (the Master), who I will refer to as __________________________ (their preferred title) for the duration of ____________________ (contract length). ________________________ (the slave) will be referred to as __________________________ (their preferred title) for the duration of this contract.

The slave relinquishes all of its rights and privileges, agreeing to submit to the Master in all ways. By signing this contract, the slave agrees that their body belongs to the Master and can be used in any way they see fit as long as it falls within the confines of this contract.

Either party may void this contract at any time by providing the other in writing with their intention to do so. The contract will then be considered void and will no longer be upheld by either party. 

The slave promises to obey the Master at all times, to submit itself to him fully and be readily available, sexually and otherwise, whenever needed.

The Master promises to guide and protect the slave at all times, keeping its best interests at heart while making decisions.

The Master will punish the slave when it’s deemed necessary, within the bounds of correction, prevention and maintenance. He will not misuse his authority in any way. The agreed upon punishments include spanking (bare handed), time outs and anything else he deems necessary as long as they don’t cause permanent damage or include anything illegal.

The following limits will be honored during the length of this contract:

    • No blood, scat, breath play, cutting, edge play or sensory deprivation.
    • No permanent marks or piercings or anything that will be seen while wearing everyday clothing.
    • No withholding food, water or medications.

The following safe words will be used:

    • GREEN to indicate that everything is fine and to continue.
    • YELLOW to pause action and require a check in to see what modifications need to be made.
    • RED to stop all action immediately.

The Master reserves the right to share the slave with others as he desires. He promises to keep the slave safe at all times during these interactions. The slave, however, cannot have sexual contact with anyone outside of this contract without the Master’s written approval.

This contract will go into effect on ________________________ (whatever date you want). By signing this contract, each party agrees to uphold it to the best of their ability.

_________________________________________ (slave signature) ________________________ (date)

_________________________________________ (Master signature) ______________________ (date)

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BDSM Dynamics and Players

BDSM Dynamics and Players

BDSM DYNAMICS AND PLAYERS

I am intrigued by the variety of BDSM dynamics and players out there. The more I explore them, the more I want to learn.

I’ve always been interested in the interpersonal dynamics of relationships and how they work. After all, first and foremost I’m a romance writer. I’ve been reading about relationships and their dynamics since I was a tween. I’ve also gone through a few serious relationships and a few serious breakups and always sought to understand what worked and what didn’t work.

Since dipping my toe into the BDSM world (and erotic romance), I’ve learned that relationships can work in all sorts of ways. Some are romantic. Some are not. Some start out as strangers that turn into love and some start out as marriages that turn into something else. Some involve multiple people with multiple roles and some establish houses with rules so everything makes more sense.

I’ve always been a rule follower which is perhaps one of the reasons a BDSM type dynamic works for me. If you’re new to this world or like me, always wanting to learn something new and explore different dynamics, here are some of the basic BDSM dynamics and its players.

BASIC DEFINITIONS

AFTERCARE: Emotional and physical support, usually provided by the Top, for the bottom after play to help calm the bottom down.

BDSM: BDSM is an abbreviation for the words bondage, discipline (or domination), sadism (or submission), and masochism. When people use the term BDSM, they’re referring to the community of people who practice these abbreviations. Not everyone practices all of them but people involved in the BDSM community usually use some form of power exchange, whether it’s in play only, 24/7 or somewhere in between.

CONSENT: The agreement between people to engage in a particular dynamic and/or play.

CONTRACT: A written agreement between people that outlines the specifics of their dynamic. The contract usually includes the length of the contract (from as little as playtime only to a lifetime), the roles and expectations of each participant, limits and the rules each need to follow. The contract also outlines safe words and gestures to be used to pause and stop play.

KINK: Unconventional sexual preferences.

LIMITS: HARD LIMITS: Activities that either the Top or bottom will not do. SOFT LIMITS: Activities that either person are reluctant to do but will try. It’s essential for anyone engaging in BDSM play to discover each other’s limits prior to play. Limits are often spelled out in contracts if there is one for the dynamic.

POWER EXCHANGE: One person giving their power over themselves to another. This could be temporary (playtime only) or more permanent (24/7 or TPE, total power exchange). Most BDSM dynamics include some form of power exchange.

SAFE WORD: A word or gesture (if unable to talk) used to pause or stop action. It’s important to agree on safe words before engaging in any power exchange dynamic to ensure the safety of everyone involved. They also allow the bottom to feel safe and comfortable during any play or protocols. The basic safe words used are RED for stop and YELLOW for slow down or pause. When used, the Top must adhere to the safe word rules and either stop or slow down/pause action. Not honoring a bottom’s safe words will not only corrupt the dynamic but is very dangerous.

SWITCH: A person who enjoys both the Top and bottom roles, who switches roles based on circumstances and/or play partners. For example, some switches are Dominant to one person while being submissive to another. Some switch with the same play partner, each taking turns being the Top and bottom.

 

BDSM SAFETY PHILOSOPHIES + CREDOS

When dealing with risky sexual play, many people find it essential to adhere to one of the various BDSM philosophies and credos. Here are a few of the more common ones. Decide for yourself which one makes the most sense to you and your dynamic.

CCC (COMMITTED COMPASSIONATE CONSENSUAL): Not as popular as the others, this philosophy emphasizes commitment to the dynamic, compassion for the participants and that everything is consensual. Used mostly in TPE type dynamics, it ensures that all participants have each others best interests in mind at all times.

CCCC (CARING COMMUNICATION CONSENT AND CAUTION): This philosophy emphasizes the caring and communication within the dynamic along with having consent and using caution in play.

PRICK (PERSONAL RISK INFORMED CONSENSUAL KINK): Derived from the RACK philosophy, PRICK emphasizes personal responsibility for acceptance of others behavior towards them as well as their own behavior. This philosophy also emphasizes making informed decisions prior to any play or activity.

RACK (RISK AWARE CONSENSUAL KINK): This philosophy emphasizes that all involved are aware of the innate risks involved in BDSM play and all agree to participate.

SSC (SAFE SANE AND CONSENSUAL): This BDSM credo emphasizes that participants focus on creating safe play for all those involved while also assuring that all consent to participate.

 

THE DYNAMICS

TPE (TOTAL POWER EXCHANGE): When one person gives total power of themselves over to another to be effective always. Otherwise known as a 24/7 dynamic. Usually, people in a TPE fall under the Master/slave relationship dynamic. Most have rules and protocols in place to make their relationship run smoothly. Some would argue that it isn’t a true TPE if there are limits but I’m not sure how realistic this would be while remaining safe for all those involved.

TAT (TOTAL AUTHORITY TRANSFER): When one person gives all decision making power to another. This could be for a set amount of time or complete authority for unlimited time. In this dynamic, one person is giving the other full authority over them. Similar to the TPE dynamic, rules and protocols are usually in place to help the dynamic run more smoothly. The couple may also choose to allow one to have authority over all decisions or only some decisions (such as financials, etc.).

CNC (NON-CONSENSUAL CONSENT): When one person consents to engage in forced (non-consensual) play. This one usually resolves around some sort of rape play where two people (or more) agree (consent) ahead of time that one will be forced sexually to do what the other(s) want. This type of play allows an extreme lack of control that some people crave. Rules and safe words are established prior to play to ensure the safety of all involved.

DD (DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE): When one person has authority over another that involves consensual corporal punishment, usually spankings, as a form of discipline. This dynamic is typically between a husband (the Dominant) and a wife (the submissive) but not always.

 

THE PLAYERS

These are only a few of the typical BDSM players that I’ve found in my exploration. I’m sure there are many others and you’re always free to create terms that work best for you.

These terms are not dependent on gender identities or sexual orientations so I will try to keep my pronouns as neutral as possible. Most people capitalize the word identifying the person who has the control in the dynamic while never capitalizing the word identifying the one who has given up control, i.e. D/s, M/s, T/b.

TOP/bottom: These are the most generalized terms to describe two (or more) people in a power exchange dynamic. The Top is the one with the control while the bottom is the one who gave up control. Many people use these generalized terms when describing the basics of their dynamic even though they identify with more specific terms.

DOMINANT/submissive, DOMME/submissive or D/s: The Dominant or Domme is the one who has the control in the dynamic while the submissive is the one who has given up control. Most people use Dominant when male and Domme when female but this isn’t always the case.

MASTER/slave, MISTRESS/slave or M/s: Usually a more strict form of D/s with the Master or Mistress being in control and the slave giving up control. People often consider the slave property in this dynamic and it’s typical for the slave to give up more control and authority over to their Master or Mistress than in a D/s dynamic. The M/s dynamic is usually a TPE or TAT dynamic. Most people use Master when male and Mistress when female but this isn’t always the case.

SADIST/masochist: This dynamic revolves around pain, giving (Sadist) and receiving (masochist). Sometimes both enjoy giving and receiving. This dynamic is sometimes part of another BDSM dynamic, such as a D/s or M/s dynamic, but it doesn’t need to be. There are Sadists who identify as bottoms and masochists who identify as Tops and some who identify as switches (can go either way).

BIG/little, DADDY DOM/little girl (DDlg) or MOMMY DOM/little boy (MDlb): This dynamic involves one person taking on a parental role over the other while the other acts younger than they are. Littles usually engage in age play where they act significantly younger than they are, as young as infants up to early adolescents, and give up significant control their partner. The Big often offers a more nurturing approach to their domination, often acting as a guide and mentor.

HANDLER/pet: This dynamic involves one person taking a Handler (Dominant) role over the other while the other role plays as an animal, such as a puppy, cat, horse or pig. These roles may be used during playtime only or the dynamic may decide to take them on more 24/7. The pet play partner usually adapts to the characteristics of the pet they’re playing, going as far as to drink out of a water dish, whimper instead of talking, and wearing a collar and leash while walking on all fours.

HUNTER/prey or PREDATOR/mate: This dynamic involves primal play where one takes on the Hunter or Predator (Dominant) role while the other plays the prey or mate (submissive) role. The Hunter/Predator loves the chase while the prey/mate loves being chased, captured and consumed by the Hunter/Predator.

 

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