BDSM CONTRACT ESSENTIALS

Although BDSM contracts are never legally binding and aren’t necessary to have a fulfilling dynamic, there is something powerful about putting your relationship dynamics down in writing. It’s a powerful tool that helps everyone involved get clear on what’s expected of them, what’s acceptable and not acceptable, and where the limits lie. It also helps the dynamic run smoother when everyone involved is on the same page.

To help you get started on creating your own BDSM contract, here are some of the essentials you’ll want to include. If you’d like additional help, check out my BDSM Ownership Certificate and Contract along with the Domestic Discipline Certificate and Contract.

NOTE: I am not a lawyer or legal professional. Since BDSM contracts are not legally binding, make your own judgment on what will work best for you. I will be using pronouns in alignment with my own dynamic for this article. Use your own pronouns when creating your BDSM contract. 

BDSM contract essentialsNAMES, TITLES AND ROLES
Start your BDSM contract by establishing who is involved by using their given names along with the name or title they will use under the contract. For example, the Dominant may want to be called Master while under the contract and wants to refer to his submissive as slut. You will want to also establish each participants role at this time, i.e. who will be Top and who will be bottom.

LENGTH OF TIME
Include how long the terms of the contract will last. Some people write contracts to include playtime only while others indicate that the terms of the contract will be enforced 24/7 or on the weekends only. Figure out what works best for you.

It’s also important to include an expiration for the contract. If you’re just starting out, start with a smaller time frame, such as a week or a month, to ease yourself into the new dynamic. You can always renew the contract once the week/month is over. If you’re more experienced, you may opt for a longer duration such as six months, a year or even a lifetime.

EXIT CLAUSE
Include how to dissolve the contract if one or more parties would like to cancel it. Getting clear about how to exit the contract at the beginning will help make things smoother if things need to shift later on. It’s also a good idea to include how the contract may be renegotiated down the line or if the current contract needs to be canceled and a new one written. Since a BDSM contract is not legally binding, anyone can leave the contract at any time without legal ramifications but in order to ensure harmony in the relationship, include an exit clause.

RULES, RIGHTS AND DUTIES
Write out each participants’ rules, rights and duties in clear, concise language. The participants may want to write this out for themselves, for the others or work on it together. This is the nuts and bolts of the contract, where you decide what rules you want to establish for each participant, what types of rights each person has and what are their duties.

For example, a submissive may write “I promise to serve Him in whatever manner He deems fit and to follow His direct commands.” A Dominant may write “I promise to keep her best interest at heart, especially when making decisions.”

ALLOWABLE PUNISHMENTS
Include a list of allowable punishments along with their severity and limits. Rank the punishments from minor indiscretions to major issues to help ensure that the punishment fits the crime.

LIMITS
Include a designated section that outlines the limits of each participant. Include hard limits (those that are not acceptable under any circumstances) as well as soft limits (those that may be used in special circumstances). Be clear about which ones are which.

SAFE WORDS
Be clear about what your safe words and gestures are and what they represent. Include gestures for times when the participants can’t speak (i.e. when gagged). For example, the word yellow will be used when you want to pause the action and require a check in to see what modifications can be made.

The common safe words are GREEN to indicate that everything’s fine and to keep going, YELLOW to slow down or pause the action (be clear in your contract what it exactly means to you), and RED to stop the action completely.

SIGNATURES
Complete the BDSM contract with each participants’ signatures. This helps to seal the contract and ensure that each participant is serious about it. You may want to use wordage such as “I have read and fully understand this agreement and accept the terms as they’re written.”

 

OPTIONAL ADDITIONS
I’ve given you the basic essentials above but you can make your BDSM contract as simple or as complex as you want. Here are some additional things that you may want to include.

RULES AND PROTOCOLS
Even though you may have included rules earlier in the contract, you may want to include additional rules and protocols in a separate section. Some people get very precise on how they want each participant to act within the dynamic and have established clear protocols for them to follow, such as waiting at a precise time fully nude with the Top’s favorite drink.

GOALS
Some participants like to include goals for the length of the contract. This is especially true for the bottom types who like to work on self improvements during the contract and want to be punished accordingly if they don’t follow through. This is a wonderful way to establish accountability towards important goals, such as cutting out junk food or sleeping eight hours a night.

SHARING/OTHERS
If your dynamic will include participants outside the contract, you will want to outline that in its own section. Be clear about what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable along with any rules you want to have when interacting with others. For example, even if you’re in a monogamous relationship, if you were at a kink party, would it be OK for others to touch you and, if so, in what ways? Get clear about your limits to sharing and interacting with others.

SCHEDULES
Depending on the strictness of the dynamic, some participants like to include a schedule, typically for the bottom. This could outline a daily schedule, a weekly schedule or even a monthly schedule. Some participants like to also include a training schedule for the bottom, indicating tasks and milestones they want the bottom to complete within a certain timeframe.

COMMANDS
Some Tops want their bottoms to respond to certain commands. Include a commands section outlining each command and how the bottom is expected to react to it.

 

SAMPLE CONTRACT
Here’s an example of a very basic BDSM contract. It’s written for a Master/slave dynamic but you can modify for your own needs.

 

This contract certifies that ________________________ (the slave), being of free mind, submits itself fully to __________________________ (the Master), who I will refer to as __________________________ (their preferred title) for the duration of ____________________ (contract length). ________________________ (the slave) will be referred to as __________________________ (their preferred title) for the duration of this contract.

The slave relinquishes all of its rights and privileges, agreeing to submit to the Master in all ways. By signing this contract, the slave agrees that their body belongs to the Master and can be used in any way they see fit as long as it falls within the confines of this contract.

Either party may void this contract at any time by providing the other in writing with their intention to do so. The contract will then be considered void and will no longer be upheld by either party. 

The slave promises to obey the Master at all times, to submit itself to him fully and be readily available, sexually and otherwise, whenever needed.

The Master promises to guide and protect the slave at all times, keeping its best interests at heart while making decisions.

The Master will punish the slave when it’s deemed necessary, within the bounds of correction, prevention and maintenance. He will not misuse his authority in any way. The agreed upon punishments include spanking (bare handed), time outs and anything else he deems necessary as long as they don’t cause permanent damage or include anything illegal.

The following limits will be honored during the length of this contract:

    • No blood, scat, breath play, cutting, edge play or sensory deprivation.
    • No permanent marks or piercings or anything that will be seen while wearing everyday clothing.
    • No withholding food, water or medications.

The following safe words will be used:

    • GREEN to indicate that everything is fine and to continue.
    • YELLOW to pause action and require a check in to see what modifications need to be made.
    • RED to stop all action immediately.

The Master reserves the right to share the slave with others as he desires. He promises to keep the slave safe at all times during these interactions. The slave, however, cannot have sexual contact with anyone outside of this contract without the Master’s written approval.

This contract will go into effect on ________________________ (whatever date you want). By signing this contract, each party agrees to uphold it to the best of their ability.

_________________________________________ (slave signature) ________________________ (date)

_________________________________________ (Master signature) ______________________ (date)

1 Comment

  1. White Rabbit

    Remember that this is not a legal document. Keep it simple, using words that are clearly understood by both parties.

    Also note that the more modern consent concept is that what will happen is much more important to include than limits. The problem with limits is when something unacceptable to the bottom occurs because they didn’t think or know to include the activity in the limits. I have a three-page checklist that I stole from someone else. While I don’t use a contract. I do use the checklist. It is a CYA as well as very useful for discussion with a new submissive.

    Reply

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