Knowing when a Dominant is a right fit for you is a deeply personal and often times emotional decision. It depends greatly on your emotional, physical as well as psychological compatibility. And even then, while someone may appear to be “perfect” on paper, many other factors come into play. Here are some key signs that may indicate that you found the right Dominant for you:
Chemistry.
Chemistry is the spark and initial attraction you feel towards someone. Sometimes it will take a little time to grow but usually it’s felt instantaneously.
Feeling safe and secure.
The Dominant ensures that you feel safe and secure at all times, especially during harder scenes. Consent is essential and should be clearly communicated and respected.
Aftercare.
The Dominant provides consistent and genuine aftercare that makes you feel good and appreciated.
Open and honest communication.
The Dominant communicates clearly and openly with you and expects and wants you to do the same in return. You feel comfortable expressing your needs, desires, fears and limits. You feel heard and understood. If there’s an issue or conflict, you feel comfortable bringing this up with the Dominant and they’re handled in a mature and respectful fashion.
Trust.
Trust is essential in any power exchange dynamic. You fully trust the Dominant to not only keep you safe but to properly care for your well being. You feel comfortable letting go with them, particularly during more intense scenes.
Reliable and consistent.
The Dominant follows through on promises consistently. If rules and/or protocols are part of the dynamic, they regulate them consistently and fairly without being manipulative.
Encourages your growth.
The Dominant supports your growth on many levels including intellectually, emotionally and sexually. You feel like you’re a better version of yourself when and/or after you’re with them. They may push you (not your limits) but they never try to break you.
Appreciated.
You feel appreciated and nourished after spending time with the Dominant instead of feeling drained or depleted. You feel empowered and stronger, not weaker or broken down. You know that your Dominant views your submission as a gift and is not taken for granted.
Mutual pleasure.
Sometimes the pleasure in a power exchange dynamic can seem like it leans very heavily towards the Dominant’s side however even when this is the case, the submissive needs to be feeling just as much or more pleasure submitting in this way. Ensure that your kinks, fetishes and play styles are compatible and that you both enjoy the same level of intensity and protocols in scenes.
Don’t be afraid to leave a power exchange dynamic that’s not working for you. Not everyone is going to be a good fit even though it seems like it should work. Trust yourself and your instincts when determining if this Dominant is the right one for you. The above are simply guidelines but you will know in your gut if they’re the right one for you.
If you have any additional tips for how to determine if a Dominant is the right one for you, please take a moment to share them below. I would love to hear from you.
