THE SUBMISSIVE PLANNER

Once you’ve established the basis of the relationship, it’s time to step into getting clear about the submissive goals. This can be done alone or with your Dom but should be reviewed with your Dom at some point to help with accountability.

Create goals that you want help with over the next year (such as exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, etc.) as well as goals specific to your D/s dynamic (such as always addressing your Dom as Master).

Writing down your goals will help you to achieve them. This section will also serve as reference as you move throughout the year. Plan to reference it at least monthly to plan out your month.

You can always add more goals as the year progresses and cross out goals that no longer serve you.

Here’s an example of a very simplistic contract. You can find many resources online (check them out on my main resources page) if you need inspiration. But since you’ve already established your relationship and submissive goals, writing your contract should be a reflection of that work.

Be clear about each person’s role in the relationship. This will help the relationship be smoother.

In my example, the Dominant’s role is to love, protect and care for his sub as well as discipline and punish as needed while creating rules and structure. The submissive’s role is to love and cherish the Master while obeying all rules and structure and accepting discipline without complaint.

Create as many roles as needed for your unique dynamic. Use this space as a reference throughout the year.

It’s essential to establish safety guidelines before participating in any BDSM activities. These pages walk you through establishing safe words as well as safe gestures (when you’re unable to talk). There’s also space for hard limits which are things you will not do no matter what. Discuss these with your Dom before any play commences.

The discipline page creates space for the Dom to outline what disciplines and punishments can be expected during the relationship. It’s best to be clear and specific, even detailing different levels of discipline and punishments for different levels of indiscretions.

This is also the space to include any maintenance discipline that will be part of your relationship as well as how often it can be expected (i.e. daily, weekly or monthly).

It’s important to establish an aftercare protocol, especially for intense scenes. Use this space to get clear on what aftercare will look like, getting as specific as possible.

You may want to specify different levels of aftercare for different levels of scenes (i.e. more intense scenes will get more intense aftercare).

Use the Others + Sharing page to get clear about your rules and limitations for sharing the submissive with others. You’ll also want to use this space to establish rules and limitations for the Dom engaging with others.

In this example, the Dom may only share the sub with parties they both agree on. The sub may not play with others without the Dom’s consent and the Dom will not play with others without the sub’s consent.

Use this space to plan out your entire year. Since this planner is undated, you can start it at any time. I left this space purposefully open so you can use it ant way you want.

One suggestion is breaking down these pages into months (as shown) with special dates, occasions, and goals for each month. It helps you see the big picture of your year at one glance. But do what works best for you.

Most submissives need clear boundaries and routines. It makes them feel more confident and secure. The more specific you are with these routines, the smoother their lives will  be.

Use the daily routine page to outline what tasks need to be done each day, including times for each if you want to create a very specific schedule. (Obviously, do what works best for you and your dynamic.) I’ve included a daily schedule complete with times. Use the monthly habit tracker to track these tasks to keep a running tab on what’s being done each day.

Use the weekly routine page to create tasks, chores and/or projects that only need to be done once or a few times week. Ideally, assign these tasks to specific days. Use the monthly habit tracker to ensure that they’re getting done.

You can also use the weekly routine page to track regularly scheduled maintenance sessions and/or play sessions. Do what works for you.

Use the monthly goals page for your specific goals and to do lists for the months. It super useful to have this information all in one place. I recommend creating these lists with your Dom so you’re both clear about what you want to accomplish for the month.

Use the monthly habit tracker to track daily and weekly tasks. Pull these tasks from your daily and weekly routine pages. It’s amazing how much tracking these things will help ensure that you accomplish them.

If something’s already a routine for you (such as wearing your collar), it’s probably not necessary to track it. The habit tracker is wonderful at helping you to establish new routines, such as meditating daily, showing your devotion daily, etc.

Your Dom may want to monitor your habit tracker to ensure that you’re accomplishing your goals. It’s a wonderful tool to help keep you accountable.

The Submissive Planner includes 12 undated two-page monthly calendars for you to use to keep track of your month. Simply fill in the month at the top along with the dates.

I’ve also included a spot for the submissive’s mantra for the month. This is a wonderful way to practice new intentions and thoughts throughout the month.

I recommend creating a ritual around your monthly mantra, perhaps posting it on your bathroom mirror and reciting it several times every time you’re in the bathroom. This will help to cement it in your mind.

The Submissive Planner includes 5 weeks for every month to ensure there’s more than enough space to plan. Each day has space for a to do list along with any notes that you may have.

I like to write down what I need to do but also what I’ve done each day, like paint or talk with a friend. This way when I flip back through my year, I know exactly what I did each day.

There’s also a separate box for notes each week. I use this space to create a to do list for the week for items that don’t have a particular day. It’s also a great space to make notes of inspiration, a place to keep your mantra front and center, and/or a jot down random ideas.

I used a few of the Submissive Planner stickers on this layout. They’re a fun way to spice up your week as well as mark off certain days for certain activities. Those are sold in the Submissive Bundle #1 and #2 and separately.

Each month has the Monthly Check In and Monthly Notes pages at the end. It’s vitally important to check in, especially in a D/s dynamic, to see what’s working, what’s not working and where improvements can be made.

The Monthly Check In pages walks you through the check in process. It’s best to go through this page with your Dom at the end of each month. Discuss what worked in the previous month, what’s not working and how you can make improvements moving forward. It’s amazing what a 30 minute dedication to this process can do to the health of the relationship.

Use the Monthly Notes page for anything you want. It’s a great space to make notes from the previous month and to make notes for things you want to accomplish in the next month. It’s also a nice place to capture overall notes regarding the relationship, anything that you want to be sure to remember.